a dream last night really, really bothered me.
i was in this large place, like a YMCA or my Highschool afterhours. i think it was a lock in, and all of the people i know my own age were invited. The dream started, at first, with a slight feeling of uncomfort, graduated into anxiety, and finally into sheer panic. i was slowly losing control of my body.
i was in a room with a bunch of people, but escaped to be by myself to deal with this horrible feeling. i went into a courtyard that i thought was unoccupied, but it turned out this girl from my creative writing class was in there. when i saw her, this feeling came over me and i couldn't control myself. a shovel was laying nearby and i killed her with it. i started freaking out, for i saw what i had done and i couldn't help it. it was like someone was controlling my body but i still had control of my emotions.
her body was chopped up by the blade of the shovel, held by hands that were no longer in my possession. then, i buried the pieces under some bricks in the corner. i remember looking at my hands and noticing that they were more hairy than usual.
i continued in this way, seeking out solitary people, killing them, realizing what i had done, freaking out. doing something to hide the body, noticing that some sort of my body was different.
looked in a mirror in the bathroom after slamming the stall door into someone's head over and over again, i had black eyes. looked down at my hands after i strangled someone to death, i had longer fingers than usual. after wiping blood off of my face in the kitchen, i noticed there was more hair on my face...
i ran into a room full of people and started screaming and crying. everyone thought i was on drugs or told me that i should have been taking my lexapro, or talked about calling the ambulance for me. i remember punching holes in the floor, crying, rolling on the floor, kicking at everyone who tried to come near me.
then, i ran into a room where i knew my brother was sitting by himself. i started crying as i slowly walked towards him because i knew what i was about to do.
i looked him in the eyes and my knees and elbows snapped backwards. i took a step forward and grew a snout. my ears became elongated as my tailbone extended of its own accord. when i stepped over him, i was a salivating monster, crying human tears from a wolf's eyes.
i felt a growl escape my throat as i got ready to pounce, but just as i leapt, the door burst open. there, standing in the light, was my grandfather with a knife my brother and i had designed but he had made. it had an intricate design that looked like roots crawling up the hilt, and the blade was silver. he jumped in the way and stabbed me with it, and, as i landed, i turned back into a human.
i remember looking up at my brother and grandfather with tear-filled eyes as a pool of blood formed around my face, around my mouth, covering the right side of my face. it all got dark and, seconds later, i woke up.
i was in a pool of my own drool, sweating.